Why You Might Be Overwhelmed: A Performance Coach’s Perspective

Overwhelm:

Overwhelm. We all suffer from it on occasions, and you may even be experiencing a sense of overwhelm as you read this.

Feelings of overwhelm often arise unexpectedly and very suddenly, crippling and preventing from us from taking corrective action. Once we become aware of this sense of overwhelm and the corresponding impact it has on us in terms of being unable to take action, our feelings can then develop into broader feelings of frustration as we become aware of our inability to act on the very things driving the initial overwhelm - gahh!! The overwhelm trap can be particularly vicious and difficult to escape in this regard.

You might feel like you’re stuck on a malfunctioning merry-go-round which is swinging out of control and the stop button out of action. The carts are swinging around incessantly and you are unable to get off. As you and the cart turn you are reminded at different glances of all the jobs, responsibilities, and incomplete actions that you are still yet to get on top of. You barely touch one task before the next is flung at you as the cart spins round, over and over. Your attention constantly being pulled from one thing to another. It is no wonder this sensation might leave you feeling unwell.

Below I explore three different ‘levels’ of overwhelm, as summarised in the opening image. The purpose of this approach is to highlight the nuance of overwhelm and how it can manifest and experienced differently, unique to your situation.

3 Cognitive Mechanisms Behind Overwhelm:

1) Attentional Fragmentation (Surface Level):

Endlessley switching from one task to another creates mental burnout. Every micro-switch from one task to another uses mental load which saps from your finite mental energy. You might get away with this for a period of time, and the effects at first may well be imperceptible, but over time the cumulative impacts of working and living in this way will build in the background - before eventually knocking you for six, or leaving you with symptoms of burnout.

It’s like physical training – you might feel fine for a while, but the hidden fatigue builds until it hits like a tidal wave, leaving you exhausted or even injured.

Being busy might feel like you’re being productive, especially with your limited time, but it is a recipe for disaster over the longer term without intentional actions to allow your nervous system and mind to adequately rest and rejuvenate.

We know how important sleep is to physical recovery and sporting performance. It is no different with our minds and our performance at work or in life more broadly.

If we live in constant automatic ‘do’ mode, reacting to whatever feels urgent, we neglect the thinking time needed for the most important matters in our lives. ‘Deep work’ is often the term used for when we do our most concentrated and powerful work. David Marquet in his book ‘Language is Leadership’ refers to ‘red’ time and ‘blue’ time – Red is doing time; blue is thinking time. Whether you’re shaping business strategy or leading your people, time spent in the blue zone will be paramount.

These examples are clearly important matters and require dedicated time and the right environment to elicit impactful thinking to occur. Consider how much time you spend in blue and red mode. You could even colour your diary in accordingly blue and red. The approach can reveal how you spend your time (often subconsciously), and where an intentionally different approach might serve you better.

Writing this piece now, I am sat with my headphones in, phone away and just writing what comes to my mind. I wasn’t thinking about this (or in this level of depth) an hour ago but now I have arrived and deep work is occurring. On reflection, I guess I am currently in the area where the red and blue zone overlap - thinking deeply but taking action by writing.

2) Cognitive Load Saturation (Realistic Expectations):

If you feel overloaded with jobs and responsibilities, then this example might serve you well.

Imagine for a second that there are 10 cups in front you, representing critical areas of your life – they might be your career, your family, your friends etc. etc.

If we liken your time and energy to water, all of these important cups can’t be full to the brim, as you currently only have 5 cups worth of water to give.

-          Do you half fill all 10? And accept the mediocrity of 5/10 across all areas?

-          Do you fill 5 and leave the other 5? And deal with the negligence of the other 5?

In this scenario you are forced to choose how you allocate your time and energy. A helpful framework for this can be to consider the urgency vs the importance of matters. If it is urgent and important, you better tackle that one first.

Nevertheless, this process requires you to have mental capacity to actually THINK in the first place. If you have no energy (or water) left, you’ll have no mental capacity left to do the necessary thinking and apportioning.

The old adage of learning to say ‘no’ can be an effective tool available to you here. What can you remove from your plate to reallocate that precious time and energy? Be selective with what / who you commit to.

Most importantly, don’t forget that you have your very own cup that needs filling too.

3) Prediction Error Anxiety (Root Cause):

Feelings of overwhelm can be caused and / or amplified by procrastination. If we consider that procrastination often occurs because we are avoiding something, then the root cause of your overwhelm might be the very thing that we are ignoring (either consciously or subconsciously).

Indeed, something may well have popped into your mind as you read that last paragraph. If it did, then take a minute now to write it down.

Identifying what is occupying mental space but currently being avoided is the first step, writing it down on a piece of paper is the second.

We often avoid things as we dislike dealing with uncertainty – of outcome, of response, of impact, of realisation... You may be someone that envisages scenarios of future events in an attempt to ready yourself for the possible eventuality of what occurs. Whilst this may feel helpful, it saps precious mental energy and resource (taking away from the other cups you may still wish to fill).

If you consider your energy as a precious resource, can you really afford to spend 3 cups merely playing out imaginary scenarios in your head? You may even play out so many scenarios in your mind that you are left physically and mentally drained, unable to take action on anything else.

Are the perceived benefits that this mental rehearsal offers really worthwhile?

If you are so overwhelmed by something, maybe the optimal approach would be to consider opting out entirely. Expectations or goals you place on yourself to do x or be y may be unnecessarily burdening you and impacting on other areas of your life more than you think. Ask yourself, is the goal really worth it and am I seriously prepared to commit to it?

Being stuck in limbo is self-inflicted torture. Either do the thing or forget about it (and be grateful for the mental peace this will be bring you).

Having Our Sh*t Together (The Myth)

There is an unspoken expectation that ‘one day’ we’ll have our sh*t together and everything will be in order. This is a mirage. Nothing will ever be as harmoniously in order as we quite foolishly perceive. We will always have problems, obligations, and stressors.

Once we understand and accept this, we can operate within the realities of life and take intentional steps forward that better align with our intrinsic desires and motivations.

If your work is intense but you are fulfilled by your mission and calling, then this, in principle, is a good problem and stressor to have. The stress comes with a positive element, attached to purpose and meaning.

If you are stressed because you are underpaid and have a horrible boss, then the excruciating stress and pain this often causes is clearly not a good problem to have. There is minimal benefit that can gleaned from this situation (beyond lessons learned as to how not to behave, perhaps).

Assess your problems or matters that bother you and try to find the positive – if there isn’t one (or it isn’t a very strong one), then this could be an area for you to take action on.

How Coaching Helps Clients Regain Clarity:

Coaching creates the space required to facilitate deeper thinking. There is something magical that occurs when having a conversation and vocalising / articulating matters that we have carried internally for some time. Bringing them out into the open provides a real sense of clarity that is hard to describe until you have experienced coaching. From my own perspective it is the process of forcing us to confront our realities (facts but also feelings) that is the most valuable benefit that coaching derives.

In our modern world, we rarely have the opportunity to talk in depth with another person on a deeper level (and I would argue especially so amongst men). Coaching is a process of exploration and sometimes just ‘going there’ is enough for clients to have epiphanies that encourage them to take the actions required.

Talking and discussing things also allows us to appreciate different perspectives. We are all shaped by our own experiences, knowledge bases, inner circles. Our thinking is inevitably corrupted over the years as we are shaped by each of these three things via cognitive dissonance and other cognitive biases we exhibit that make us innately human.

This is not a ‘bad’ thing per se but to be aware of it and to take action accordingly is a different matter.

Working with a coach may reveal things about you that you do not currently see. It may shine a light on some of your thinking – beliefs, assumptions, patterns of thinking, emotional responses, rationalisation, triggers, behaviours.

These are all the things that make us beautifully human. They are also our most challenging aspects of being human and we must consciously curate our minds to stay effective and kind.